The outer-atmosphere (outer of the inner I guess?) of the planet Uterus is currently shedding and thus, sending me horrific stabbing pains in areas otherwise quiet. You might believe this to be too much information, so if you like, you can just imagine that there is in fact a planet called Uterus, where celebrities go on their summer holidays to drink martini's and scuba dive.Actually, that's a pretty disturbing image when you think about it, and it may just be better to accept that I am indeed, on the rag.
I tell you this, as a pre-cursor for this weeks worth of blogging. They may be nutty. They may be angry. They may even be completely SUBDUED! But don't worry, next week it'll all be back to..."normal".
Today is Monday. As you should be able to tell. From the date stamp. On my blog. Or maybe by your calendar..That is if we live in the same hemisphere, otherwise you might think I'm mistaken, since you are already in Tuesday. BUT, indeed, it IS Monday here and what a Monday it is.
Most of the lower mainland is without clean, delicious coffee, I mean water, due to an apparent "storm" (what storm? I didn't see any storm! It just rained a lot and peoples trees fell down and there was lots of wind..) stirred up water supplies, thus causing turbidity (cloudiness), which can interfere with disinfection of drinking water, be a source of microbes and provide a medium for bacterial growth. Mmm fecal coliform and E. coli. I can only joke about these things, because so far, the testing of water samples has been negative. Drinking the water here may cause bloating, abdomen pain and something else quite unpleasant. I won't go into details, but I will give you a hint: Its not very funny, but its very hot and runny..*clap clap* *clap clap*
If you don't get it, you suck (look it up).
Despite my incessant bad jokes, it must be fairly serious, since some Starbucks, in affected areas, have chosen not to sell coffee at all. This isn't doing me any favours, since it was the delicious caffeinated sugary taste of the caramel macchiato that hushed and calmed my otherwise STABBING AND MURDEROUS UTERUS.
*le sigh* Ou est le cafe ?