Those three, among other things, are the things I tend to keep to myself.
But I don't intentionally do this. In fact I was quite surprised when my best friend brought up that she didn't really know me (this was in a good way, not in a bad, yelling and screaming match kind of way). I was quite taken aback by that because I've known her for nearly 10 years now, and we've spent a lot of time together, yet she still doesn't feel like she really knows me.
And you know what the saddest thing is? Once the shock of the comment sunk in, I realised it was true. She doesn't know me, and that's my fault.
I think I may be one of these naturally secretive people, that doesn't disclose much about themselves, but would rather listen to others. Really, I would. That's not some sort of bullshit where people profess that they're a "good listener", I truly am one. I'm so good, I can convince people to continually talk about themselves, and totally forget about the need for any substantial input from me.
Which some may find to be quite unusual, since I'm a major ranter, and I whine a lot.
Of course, if you're smart, you're look closer, and realise that the things I rant about, the things I whine about, are very superficial. I complain about weather, random strangers, the small things. I never complain about the things that truly matter, and I guess that's where the gold lies, that everybody seems to think I should be talking about.
But I don't think so. Unless I have a serious, serious problem, I don't talk to people about it. I can usually figure out things myself, and it's usually better that way.
It's taken me a good 6-7 years to realise that my brain is quite efficient, and whilst I'm still in the group of "irrational female", I'm still very rational and logical when it comes to some things.
I may not have the book smarts that some people have, but I can guarantee my brain can kick your brains ass when it comes to thought.
But that's enough of that, I wasn't planning on gloating about my superior brain (oops, there I go again lol).
My plan was to tell you a bit about myself. That small "profile" on the side doesn't really give any indications into the person I truly am, and my entries are far too mismatched to mean much to the everyday reader. So here goes.
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I was born in Invercargill, New Zealand, the small gloomy hole that it is, to Denice and Alan. I was unexpected, due to my mother having some operation or another to actually prevent her from having any other children (she'd already had 3 others; John, Amanda and Belinda). My presence was discovered after some bleeding, and a doctors visit, which was a very big surprise, and I'm sure, at first, not a very nice one, but I was fortunate enough that they all seemed to come around to the idea, and so on Wednesday the 21st of March, 1984, I was born (this makes me 25 this year). The theory behind the bleeding my mother had experienced, was that there may have been a twin (but don't worry, I won).
I was a bit of a complication at first, making my mother be transferred from Lumsden, to Invercargill, due to my acrobatics in the womb. I was a breech baby (meaning I came butt first), with my legs wrapped around my head. My mother believes it was because she'd previously told the doctor that if it was another redhead (Amanda is also a redhead), to just put it back in.
I obviously couldn't resist rebellion, even at such an early age.
But I came out, eventually, a tiny red alien (or a crusty baguette, whatever you prefer). I was a week overdue, and only weighed in at a tiny 5lbs, 14ounces. See?
Fast forwarding a bit, I lived in Mossburn until I was 5 (and still have the horrible rolling of the "R's"), then my parents split up, so we (Amanda, Belinda and I) were shipped up to Christchurch with Mum, where we spent the first year or so just hopping around houses, and schools. Dad eventually joined us a year or so later, but not for a reunion with my Mum. I wasn't too fussed by this. I don't really recall my Dad from when I was younger. All I remember is his boots, his massive boots, sitting dirty by the front door. Nothing else.
My Mum eventually met a new man. His name was Bob, and I thought he was fantastic. He drew pictures with me, and was so nice. He had a funny accent, and a bald head, which I thought was funny in comparsion to the mop my Dad had. And then I found out that Bob didn't exist.
Bob was really a man named Kim, and Kim was (and still is) a strange Danish man, with excellent taste in music, a scratchy moustache, and a very loving nature, this is among many other things that Kim is. I was already quite besotted by him as Bob, but he really sealed the deal with me by buying me a doll set. It had a barbie-like doll, with 100+ pieces. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen as a child, and still, obviously, think of it fondly.
So when Mum moved in with Kim, I wasn't far behind them. I lived with my Dad for a little while, with Belinda, but the only thing I truly got out of that experience was fat and rejected. My siblings didn't like the idea of my parents separation, and therefore they weren't the nicest people to be around then, but they are lovely now and I forgive them for being jerks (I'm sure I was a jerk too).
My life from then up until the end of high school was pretty boring. I hated school. I was picked on because of my large rump, and I didn't truly excel at any subjects because I was unmotivated, and quite frankly, had better things to do (such as listen to music, hang out with friends, and play on computers). The teachers were cruel, and the kids were crueler. I still feel sad when I see kids in school uniform, but not because of any trudged up memories, but rather because for most, it's a horrible experience.
After high school, I worked a little (mixing chemicals, and designing websites), then went to the National College of Design and Technology (NATCOLL) to study Internet Technology.
NATCOLL was a huge turning point for me. I met some awesome friends, I came out of my shell, I go drunk a lot, and I met Bjorn.
Bjorn has been a huge factor in my "growing up". He fought hard to undo a lot of my own bad habits, a lot of untruths that I believed, and truly did make me a better person (even if he was an asshole sometimes lol).
It would be safe to say that after meeting Bjorn, and welcoming him into my life as a friend, I wasn't the same again.
I discovered the wonders of eyeshadow and mascara, of straight hair, of nice, flattering clothes. I woke up.
Then NATCOLL ended, and everybody went their separate ways. Bjorn moved to the UK, and I tried my hand at teaching in Taiwan (which I failed, and came crawling back after a month of starvation and bad hair).
I decided that my mission would be to save for a typical Kiwi stint in the UK, which actually did eventuate July 2004. I spent the next year adjusting to life in London, and I must admit, there were times where it was really hard. Bjorn was there, and I had another couple of friends, but it was so hard. Finding work, living away from home, not having my family around me.
After a year of crap, I finally had some good news. Bjorn and I started dating. My sister (Belinda) eventually moved over to the UK too, to be with her plumber lover, Larry. They still live in lovely old Liverpool, but will hopefully return someday soon.
After London, we spent a year in Vancouver, which I would say was completely awesome. They have pizza by the slice, Slurpees, Aunt Jemima's Buttermilk Pancakes, and so any other amazing coolness that I had never found anywhere else. We made friends, and plans, and fun. I do miss Vancouver.
But that came to an end, like most things do. We travelled back to Europe, staying with friends in Sardinia, then with my sister in the UK, before finally coming home late November last year.
And the past year? It's been pretty crazy. I'm currently in a job I actually really love and enjoy. Bjorn and I are still together, and are quietly building our empire. We have three beautiful cats, one named after a place or perhaps, a skytrain station, (Nanaimo), one named after a food stuff (Jemima), and the other named after a song (Aubrey). They are our babies, and we love them. We live in a house that is a piece of shit, but we're only there until May, so no harm there.
I feel that as each day goes by, I get stronger, I get wiser, and I just turn and laugh at the things that once hurt me, at the person I once was.
And what will 2009 bring? Who knows, but hopefully something nice.
PS: I'll post some random factoids tomorrow :)